Oh god. Another one.
2009 sucks.
I thought up this joke today while driving somewhere. Posted it to Twitter and no-one found it amusing.
A media release from Australia Post says that the issue of increasing amounts of undeliverable mail needs to be addressed.
Thoughts?
I was having a quick browse through the Herald Sun online just now, and was reading an article about the Oz Lotto draw tonight.
Found this comment on the story from Sally Fisher of Melbourne, posted at 2.38pm:
What a rort… if its one in 45 million chance to win.. how will anyone win if thers only 25 million people in australia… the police should investifate
I thought I probably could go off on a long winded rant about what a fucking retard Sally Fisher is, but then I reminded myself that she’s a Herald Sun blogger, and she’s probably lucky to have the ability to use words with more than one syllable.
Well, it’s Tuesday!
A man bursts into his house and yells, “Pack your bags, darling, I just won Division 1 in the $90 million superdraw!”
She says, “Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?”
He replies, “I don’t care … Just get the fuck out!”
Not only do you get a crap joke, you get a topical crap joke.
It’s quiet around here right now. So, how about some Michael Jackson news?
Found this in the Herald Sun today:
Well, I think we already know.
The Herald Sun have an article running about some filmmaker producing a documentary about 2 virgins (lol) auctioning off their cherry, with the added bonus of Rent-A-Quotes(tm) from the Australian Family Association:
A 17-YEAR-old girl is one of two youngsters a Melbourne filmmaker claims to have recruited to auction their virginity for a documentary.
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Both virgins have been offered $20,000 for their parts in the film, along with 90 per cent of the final auction sale.
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“Their parts” ?
Let’s hope she’s hot!
I wrote about this kinda bullshit back in March, where the daily newspapers report part of a story on their site, but include a link to a local newspaper where the full story can be read.
Well, the Herald Sun have done it again, this time with a story about a motorist being attacked by a window washer:
Driver attacked by squeegee man in Preston
A DRIVER who stopped at a busy Preston intersection got more than he bargained for from the resident window washer.
The victim was approached by the window cleaner at the traffic lights at the corner of Bell and High streets.
The cleaner, who appeared angry, began hitting his car with his squeegee handle, the Northcote Leader reports.
He then began hitting the driver with the handle.
Read more at the Northcote Leader
When we go to read the Northcote Leader version of the story, we find this:
Are the local papers so fucking hard up for stories they feel the need to report on a minor incident that happened almost 5 months ago?
Also, no video this week. Can’t be fucked/no time.
Welp, Tuesday.
A young boy dressed as a pirate knocked on the door of a house to get some Halloween treats. A woman answered the door and recognised he was a pirate.
“Where are your buccaneers?” asked the woman.
The boy grinned and replied, “Under my buccan-hat!”
Alrighty.
Footballer flashes penis on television
FOOTBALL officials in Tasmania are investigating an incident where a player exposed himself during a live TV broadcast.
The Mercury reports AFL Tasmania and Clarence Football club are investigating the incident involving Clarence reserves player Tim Orchard.
Orchard was filmed exposing his penis in the background as senior player Ben Setchell was being interviewed live on ABC TV in the changerooms after Clarence’s win over South Launceston at Bellerive Oval on Saturday.
…
Now, after flashing your todger on live television, I really don’t think this would be the headline you’d want to see in the paper the next day:
The Herald Sun are banging on about some land development thing Terri Irwin has gotten herself involved with:
Terri Irwin approves plans for dams, cattle in Steve’s eco zone
AUSTRALIA Zoo’s wildlife warrior Terri Irwin has approved secret plans to build 31 dams and quadruple to 8000 the number of cattle grazing on a remote eco zone set up to honour her dead husband Steve.
A scientist, a miner and indigenous groups warned Mrs Irwin she risked being branded an eco vandal if cattle wandered into ancient, dry vine forests on the land north of Weipa on Cape York.
Mrs Irwin also came under fire from traditional owners who were offended when a sign went up rebranding their homeland the Steve Irwin Wildlife Reserve.
The front gate was locked and a large sign declaring “no hunting, no fishing and no trespassing” was posted at the entrance. The sign was quickly taken down after the traditional owners pointed out they had access rights to hunt and fish.
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I don’t really see what all the fuss is about. She just wants to set up some kind of monkey reservation.
