Last week I went to Costco for the sole purpose of obtaining a refund on my membership fee.
Most of you fucktards may remember when I wrote about the opening of the first Australian Costco store at Docklands last year – my first (and thankfully) and only foray into liveblogging.
Obviously, that post was written on the opening day of Costco. Since then, I’d say I’ve probably returned maybe 5 times. Each time I’ve become less impressed with what’s on offer, and seriously begun to doubt the long term viability of Costco in this country.
First of all, there’s the membership fee. Australians, as a rule, aren’t accustomed to paying money in order to have the privilege to shop somewhere. And if you think about it, $60 is a fair whack of money when you take into account all that is on offer is a single fairly inconvenient location for the large majority of people, with no announcement of other stores in Melbourne. That said, if one was visiting Costco say once a week or fortnight, and purchasing a sizeable amount of products each time, it’s likely that the annual fee might balance out or pay for itself reasonably quickly.
Then we have the ridiculous membership rules. One cannot simply drop in to browse throughout the store before deciding if they wish to become a member. Instead, that person needs to fill in a form, pay for a membership and receive a membership card in order to peruse the enchanted offerings contained within and decide if they wish to actually continue on as a member. While I will point out that Costco will happily cancel and refund a membership at any point within the year, it’s still ludicrous that someone is expected to go through all that bullshit just to take a look around the place. The question that should be put out there is why Costco make it mandatory for people to obtain a membership just to walk inside. Given that someone isn’t able to purchase something without a membership card anyway, is there really any harm done? No.
Continuing on with the rules, what’s with the fucking doorbitches? The last time I visited, I was denied entry to the warehouse because I had “an incorrect membership card”. After pointing out that it was the same card that had been used numerous times in the past, I was told I was not permitted to enter until I obtained a new card. Further discussion with an equally obnoxious skank at the membership counter revealed that I had to obtain a replacement card which featured my photograph. Furthermore, this was not for negotiation, and I was to have my photograph taken and printed on a new card or I was welcome to rescind my membership on the spot for a full refund. While the temptation to take up the latter was present, I relented and the photograph was taken with a dodgy hand-held webcam and a new card issued. Interestingly, the new card only featured half of my face and in no way is a clear representation of myself.
Laughably, during this process the doorbitch changeover took place. Noting this, I wandered outside and attempted re-entry into the store. I was waved in simply by flashing the front of my card with no check of the photograph that had just been printed on the back. Likewise, when presenting the card at the register the card was only glanced at, again with no check of the photograph on the reverse side.
The last point on the whole stupid rules thing is the requirement to have your receipt examined upon exit. The official reason is so as to ensure that you have all the items that you’ve paid for, but obviously it’s more there to prevent theft and the like, but if you think about it, considering everything is in bulk it’s fucking hard to conceal 48 rolls of toilet paper in your jacket, isn’t it? Plus I also take exception to having someone physically prevent my exit until this receipt examination is carried out.
Simply put: I have selected products I require and paid for them in full. The transaction is complete and there should be no further requirement to interact with the trader thereafter. Furthermore, I have witnessed these receipt nazis inspect smaller purchases as well as purchases involving 3 full trolleys. In both instances, each respective receipt has been given nothing more than a cursory glance before the customer is waved on – proving that it’s pointless attempting enforce this stupid condition.
The Costco website states the following in the FAQ section:
Why am I asked to show my receipts as I exit the warehouse?
Staffing the doors is our most effective method of maintaining accuracy in inventory control. It benefits both us and our members. This practice assists in checking that you received everything you paid for and were not overcharged or our undercharged for any item.
Given that a detailed examination of receipts upon exit is not generally undertaken, and isn’t even considered practical, I seriously fucking doubt that the practice exists in order to ensure that a member was incorrectly charged for an item. And am I really expected to believe that the staff member checking the receipts is familiar with the correct price of every single item available within Costco?
I alluded to this next point briefly in my liveblog post, but I’ll expand on it here: lack of choice.
While I certainly agree that some – if not most – products generally represent excellent value, it does come at a cost. For the most part there is only a single brand to choose from (or, sometimes the Kirkland brand and a name brand side-by-side), and within that single brand only a single variety on offer.
As an example, one might go to Coles to purchase a packet of 2-minute noodles. I’m fucked if I know all of the brands that might be on offer, but we’ll assume there is You’ll Hate Coles, Maggi and Fantastic. Under each of those brands is a selection of different flavours – such as Chicken, Beef, Oriential, etc. Problem with Costco is that there might only be one brand, and furthermore, only one flavour. So you’re pretty much fucked if you don’t like whatever single flavour of 2-min noodles that Costco is offering. I can’t really argue on the point of a lack of brand selection, but limited choice of the range under that brand? Get fucked.
When Costco first arrived in the country, it was heralded as a new era in shopping, and as a serious threat to both Coles and Woolworths. But if one wanted to be a jew thrifty, it’s probably possible to save the same amount of money with bulk purchasing of items from the supermarkets when they are on special.
I’ll be seriously surprised if Costco survive the Australian market. But I’ll be happy if they fuck off altogether.
