Now that I’ve put my clothes back on, we can get back to the normal disgusting shit that I usually write about and which you all love.

The other day I picked up a copy of the new Star Trek DVD from JB Hifi. It’s not often that legitimately purchase DVDs anymore, but I make an exception for films in the Star Trek series, because I fucking like Star Trek, ok? Fuck you if you have a problem with that.

Included inside the DVD case was a single page brochure from some mob called the Intellectual Property Awareness Foundation. Taking a look at their website doesn’t really reveal who is behind IPAF, only that it is made up of members of the movie and television industry and is “sponsored” by such bodies as AFACT and MPA as well as commercial entities like Blockbuster, Video Ezy and various cinema organisations.

This brochure – titled What Are You Really Burning? reads nothing more than some bullshit propaganda document written by some crazyasz North Korean nutcase dictator.

Let’s take a look at the front:

Not always watching the original?

Some people believe the illegal burning, buying, downloading or streaming of films and TV shows for personal use is harmless.

It doesn’t hurt anyone? It doesn’t damage anything?

They think it only affects those who are most able to afford it. But what they are really burning is the future of our film industry and the jobs of the many Australians working in it.

Film Piracy burns more than just DVDs.

Alrighty.

First of all, I think the Australian film & tv industry is doing a fantastic job of fucking themselves up already. Looking over the list of Aussie films made over the last 40 years it’s damn fucking easy to see the rapid decline in output – including the talent, the script/story and production values.

The 70’s and 80’s were a damn good time for Australian film. Some of my favourite films come from that era, before I was even born. I can’t name a single film produced in Australia (and marketed as an Australian film, none of this fly-in-to-Melbourne-to-film-at-Docklands-studios-and-fuck-off-again shit) in the last roughly the last 5-10 years that I can class as fucking spectacular. Sure, The Castle was good. Same for Crackerjack and Bad Eggs. But those, and pretty much every other film produced in that time period has pulled up fairly short of the mark.

Anyway, let’s take a look at the reverse side, which I’m going to break down so I can add my important comments:

The Facts

Over 50,000 people in Australia rely on the film industry for their livelihood, in jobs you may not consider as being at risk.

• Projectionist, ushers and concession bar workers in cinemas,
• Staff in your local video stores,
• Trades people like carpenters, electricians, seamstresses, etc.,
• Editors, artists, designers and sign writers,
• Office personnel, secretaries, IT professionals.

The Australian film industry plays a big part in our economy and continued economic wellbeing.

• Production, exhibition, sale & rental injects millions into the economy.
• Piracy rips more than $230 million out of the economy each year.
• Lost revenue means less investment, fewer productions and fewer jobs.

It’s kinda hard to argue with some of these points. However, I’d like to know exactly how many projectionists are employed in a modern cinema? It wouldn’t surprise me if the answer is none. With the great advances in cinematic technology I’m sure all it takes is for someone to load a fucking platter into a machine and program the thing to play at a given time. I reckon even the work experience kid could fucking handle that one. And an usher? The last three times I’ve been to a movie (excluding Gold Class) I cannot remember a single fucking usher apart from the door bitch who checked tickets at the main entrance. The cinemas have done a good enough job of getting rid of staff themselves, so I doubt our illegal file-sharing antics are actually going to make any more impact.

As for the video store employees? I’m old enough to remember when video stores were new and they were exciting. They were so good you had to fucking PAY to be a member. Then Video Ezy came along with 5 million copies of each video and free membership, effectively killing the smaller stores. But this is 2009, changing times. If I had wanted to I could have purchased a legitimate copy of the aforementioned Star Trek movie through iTunes. Cheaper than the JB Hifi price. Sure, I wouldn’t have gotten the special features, but is that really of any major concern? The filesize of that download is 1.82gb. When we first signed up for a pay-to-join video library the size of the hard disk drive in our computer was 20mb, and that was then considered to be huge. Now we have internet connections that can download 1.82gb in a relatively short period of time, and probably wouldn’t even make a dent in the download quota for the month.

I’ll certainly grant that DRM may make the Star Trek film difficult to copy and pass on to others, if there is in fact any DRM attached. But like almost any other form of DRM or safeguards, someone will soon enough find a way to get around that anyway.

Plus we’ll add that I’ve been blacklisted from pretty much every rental store across the world, which means that’s one option I can’t take up.

The last point though needs this: If the production companies, studios and television networks actually put the fucking effort in to writing fantastic scripts, finding fresh and GOOD talent and producing some fucking good output, more people would probably be prepared to pay for it. Don’t fucking blame us for not wanting to pay for your shit.

How does it affect me?

Less local choice
Fewer movies, TV shows and documentaries.

Higher costs and fewer locations
Cinemas, Rental and Retail shops may be forced to reduce session times, opening hours and stuff numbers. Some may even close.

Poor Quality
Pirated movies and TV shows are almost always of an inferior and less reliable quality, missing many of the special features you’d expect.

Less local choice? There already is less local choice. You produce crap already, and will continue to produce crap.

Higher costs and fewer locations? Let’s say the cinemas up the average ticket price to $25, what’s that going to make people think? If it were me, I’d be saying “Fuck it! I’ll wait until I can download a copy from teh intarwebs!”. Times that by say 20,000 people. Yep. Smart move there. And it’s not my fucking problem if cinemas or retail/rental outlets have to close. As I’ve already said, this is different era. Digital delivery, etc.

Poor quality? Well, you may well have a point on that one. However, I’ve been obtaining my movies and television shows through, err, slightly less-than-legitimate sources for a fucking long time and I know where to find a damn good copy. Those who are seasoned in the art know the difference between a screener and a DVDrip, for example. Plus I dare say, as an example, that a Doctor Who fanatic may well be willing to tolerate some minor audio or video problems in order to get their fix right away, rather than waiting months for it to air locally. As I’ve said already, this is fucking 2009, there’s no reason why a movie or a television show cannot be shown in another country almost immediately.

What can I do to stop the burning?

Don’t

• Don’t buy dodgy DVDs.
• Don’t download copyrighted movies and TV shows illegally.
• Don’t copy & burn without the permission of the copyright holder.

Do

• Enjoy great movies at the cinema.
• Watch your favourite show on TV or through legitimate online sources.
• Rent or buy the real thing from an authorised seller or retail outlet.

I fucking well would watch great movies at the cinema IF great movies were actually screening at the cinema and IF the cinema didn’t charge ridiculous amounts of money just to sit in a seat for 90 fucking minutes. Taking a look at the Village Cinema website just now doesn’t list a single fucking movie I would consider paying upwards of $20 to see. While we’re on the topic, I really fucking resent having to pay a “booking fee” for reserving a cinema ticket over the fucking internet and for printing my own fucking ticket. I’ve done all the work for these cunts, and yet I have to pay for the privilege? They can go fuck themselves square up the jacksie.

The second point – about watching shows on TV or through legitimate sources – well, they can get fucked once again. In fact, I’ve written about this before. If the television networks are going to treat the viewing public with such contempt and continue to air the complete fucking shit they have been, it’s no fucking wonder that people are looking to other sources for their favourite shows.

Show episodes out of order? Yep.

Skip episodes without explanation? Yep.

Re-arrange schedules so popular shows are shown at some obscure hour? Yep.

Halt airing part-way through a season? Yep.

Show seasons months or even years after original broadcast in their home country? Yep.

Then the fuckwits go on to say that we should rent or buy the real thing from a legitimate outlet. Well, I have no problem with that. But why should I be expected to pay $30-$40 on a new release DVD for something that I’ll probably only watch once? If a DVD producer actually put something on the DVD that was worth paying for, fine. But 10 minutes of outtakes, 5 deleted scenes and some interviews with the cast and crew don’t really count. So fuck them. And while we’re on the topic, fuck DVD producers who consider subtitles (especially for those with hearing problems) to be “special features”.

While we’re on the topic of DVDs: Television shows. Taking a look at the Ezydvd website it reveals that Series One of City Homicide can be purchased as a 4-disc set for $49.97. That’s 14 episodes at approximately 45 minutes of length each, a total of just under 11 hours. Now, why does this DVD need to be so fucking expensive?

Before DVDs were popular, I’m guessing that this formula applied: Production company pitches an idea to a network (or a network commissions a production company to produce it), the television series is funded by the production company and engages scripts, crew and cast and films it before the series is sold to the network at an agreed price per episode or for an overall figure. The network then goes on to sell advertising space to advertisers to recoup the purchase price.

If that model worked so well in the past, why do we suddenly see DVDs such as City Homicide being flogged off at such a ridiculous price? I’m guessing the same formula still applies, so the question goes out to the production company: Are you projecting a percentage of income from DVD sales or just considering that income to be a “nice little earner” on top? I’m going to go ahead and go for the second option.

These DVDs are mass produced, and probably cost less than $3 to make. I’ll concede that there are probably other costs included such as shipping, royalties, rights, retailer markup, etc., but 50 fucking dollars? That there is a perfect example of why I would download a torrent rather than pay for the fucking thing. Either that or wait for Channel 7 to repeat it over the non-ratings period and DVR it. (It should be noted that I don’t actually like City Homicide, it was just the first Australian TV show I found on the Ezydvd site).

Several years ago I purchased a Disney DVD, I forget which one. We were forced to sit through a 20-minute long advertisment for Disney and their movies, with no way to skip past it to the actual film. That one went straight back to the shop for a refund and a torrent later obtained.

If the movie and television industry stopped playing these bullshit games and actually treated the public with a bit of respect and decency and looked beyond their greedy fucking wallets I’m sure that they’d find a lot more sympathy towards their cause and a lot more people doing the right thing. Produce something worth paying for, at a good price, and you’ll win most of us over.

Until then I, like many others, will continue the practice of obtaining my movies and favourite television shows through file-sharing services.

IPAF can go get fucked.