I’m in a hurry right now, so this one is going to be a bit rushed.
The Age have a story featured about some dumb cunt who drove his car in front of a train this morning:
Commuter chaos after level crossing crash
An elderly driver was lucky to survive a collision with a train at a level [...]

So, the Herald Sun are running a well-timed follow-up article about the irresponsible mother letting her brat roll off a railway platform into the path of a train:
How I saved train baby
BRAVE Melbourne schoolboy Aaron Dryden has been revealed as the shy hero who pulled a tiny baby from under a train at Ashburton station.
Aaron, [...]

The Herald Sun have given us this delightful piece about a baby larking about on a railway platform:
Baby hit by train, then goes home
A BABY has escaped serious injury after being hit by a moving train at a railway station in Melbourne.
The six-month-old baby boy was rushed to hospital after his pram fell onto tracks [...]

Well fuck me sideways! A post with some real actual content!
The “preferred tenderers” for the operation of Melbourne’s train and tram system were announced back in June, with the actual signing of the contracts undertaken last night. Today some of the details of the contracts were made public, and The Age ran this [...]

Ok, fuck you, I’m tired and this is going to be a poorly constructed rant.
On May 16th The Age published a story by some slut going by the name of Gabriella Coslovich, who told the world how unhappy she was that she would potentially be receiving a fine for not validating her ticket prior to [...]

Found this in the Herald Sun this morning:
Man’s body on Connex carriage… but for how long?
POLICE have launched an investigation into the discovery of a body in a commuter train.
Passengers found the man, believed to be in his mid-60s, as they left the train from Sandringham at Flinders St station about 7.30am.
…
Fuck Connex and their… [...]

The Age are running a story about ANGRY COMMUTERS and their experiences with METCOPSticket inspectors on public transport:
Angry commuters hit out at ticket inspectors
Angry commuters have accused train and tram ticket inspectors of being bullies with bad attitudes.
Excessive force, intimidating behaviour and a heavy-handed approach were among readers’ grievances following news of a surge in [...]

The tenders to operate Melbourne’s train network close today at 2pm, and The Age are reporting on that:

Someone should probably tell them that Veolia and Connex are one and the same fucking company. MTR are the third bidder.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Update 10.45am:
They’ve changed the graphic, but retained the error.

Update 11.23am:
Finally the cunts have [...]

Apparently there was some huge fuck off storm today, and the railway system crapped itself as a result (lol connex suk!).
So anyway, the Herald Sun felt compelled to report on it:

In their obvious haste to post an anti-Connex story, the fuckwits there failed to realise there isn’t a railway line between Hurstbridge and Epping.

So, the Herald Sun are running an article about Connex delays on the Frankston line this morning due to a truck that became stuck across a level crossing.
The always well-informed and thoughtful Herald Sun readers offered up these suggestions:

Which is all well and good, but if you actually READ the fucking article that you’re commenting [...]